Getting bad news

Bad news has many shapes and comes in the form of a variety of conversations:

I’m so sorry but we are eliminating your position.  In these desperate financial times, we are no longer able to keep the same staffing.

We have bad news. The cancer results are positive. 

Your knee is shattered.  We don’t think you will ever be able to play sports again.

I’m sorry, but I’m seeing someone else.  I never meant to hurt you.

We need to tighten our belts so you will need to eliminate one of your departments.

All of us have either experienced or been the support person for family, friends, or colleagues who have heard these words or ones similar to it.  We have cried with them or even been the one crying. 

For those of us who are healthcare providers or who have Type A personalities, we try to normalize the situation or “scientific-ize” it. (No that’s not a word but you get my drift.)  We look up Kubler-Ross’ five (or seven stages) of grief to compartmentalize where we stand:  shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance.  We look at each stage and internally think, “whew, I’m through those first three stages so I’m almost finished grieving” (as if this were a checkbox exercise). Then we are surprised, shocked and totally frustrated when it hits us in the head again causing hot tears to stream down our faces. We try to convince ourselves that “we should be over it by now.  It’s been a month (or a year, or two years… you fill in the blank.)”

I would like to share the wise words of a colleague who did their best to explain to me (THE NURSE) what it really means to go through those stages. The conversation consisted of these summarized thoughts:

         Dealing with grief has no magic bullet or solution.

         There is no timeline for when you should be “over it.”

         Give yourself some grace; allow yourself to feel whatever you feel.

         Talk about it or it will last longer and eventually explode when you least expect it.

I know what you are thinking. What does any of this has to do with leadership?  EVERYTHING!!  Because remember, we have to put on our own oxygen masks first. 

You and each of your staff are going through OR have gone through tragic events… family, job-related, personal, or even COVID-related. There is grieving involved with kids not going back to school and parents trying to determine how to ensure they still receive a good education. There is grieving in working in healthcare and realizing things will never go back to “the way we used to do it.” There are more scenarios then time allows me to list. 

Just remember – we are ALL going through things.  Learn the art of listening, but most importantly, “give yourself some grace and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel.”  It’s a healthy practice and can have almost a cleansing effect so you are ready and available to lead your staff.